I want to ...

"I want to..."

At this morning’s office devotions, we read from Philippians 3:7-11

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ … I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…

Unlike Paul who had a prodigious background which he then considered as rubbish, I don’t have a long CV nor many alphabets behind my name. But reading his impassioned purpose statement arouses something in me and makes me wonder about my own “I want to.. ” statements.

What do I want? I think at different life stages, I have completed the sentence differently.

I want to pass my exams.
I want to get a scholarship.
I want to get into this course.
I want to fall in love with the right person.
I want to get married.
I want to buy a flat.
I want to have kids.
I want to have a fulfilling career.
I want to have a good marriage.

The list goes on, my wants changing with each phase in life.

I want to know Christ.
I want to know the power of Christ’s resurrection.
I want to know the fellowship of sharing in Christ’s suffering.

This sounds rather strange and unfamiliar. Not something I will typically say. Not something I will typically pray.

O Lord, sometimes I want so many things in life – I want because I think these things will give meaning to my life. Then I am confronted with Paul who had had so many good things whom he labelled as rubbish compared to knowing You. I guess he really knew You – in such a way that he will not exchange anything else for knowing You. O Lord that I may know You in such a way that all my other want-lists will fade away.

Grace