The irony of slowness
THE IRONY OF SLOW-NESS
Ended off today on a low note… but glad the week is over and it is going to be 2 days of rest (or so I hope??).
Conducted some training on “Identifying Child Abuse” for some staff from another NGO this afternoon but the going was tough.
First it was under the afternoon heat and we don’t have the luxury of air-con here (taken often for granted while I was in Singapore). Second got to keep my finger crossed that the electricity won’t be cut suddenly (which means the fans and the OHP will go off) which thankfully did not. Sigh! Power cut is so common here in Cambodia and the cuts get more often during the hot season, when you need it most.
Then thirdly, the participants looked so sleepy and tired which really killed my motivation to teach. Tried very hard to engage them; but felt I was hitting blank walls.
Coming home, an overwhelming sense of pressure sets in once more in full force – the same feeling which has been coming back to me more often in my recent days in Cambodia. The irony is that while I seem so busy, yet things remain so slow. Slowed down by the language limitations, slowed down by the very inefficient work ethics here (or to put it positively and hence risk deceiving myself, their spontaneity), slowed down by cultural “boo-boos”, and slowed down by the telecommunications systems (or the lack of it),…… etc. etc.
It is during such moments that I missed home, missed Singapore, missed my comfort zone, missed my “once-a-upon-a-time” productivity, missed my meaningful pre-occupations, missed my satisfying albeit energy-draining “busy-ness”, and missed my so called “fruitfulness”…
Hey… but slow down a minute … Did I miss a point? Did I say I miss family, friends and people?? Did I say I miss people as much as I miss “productive” Christian ministry to people?
Maybe I really need to slow down and to TRULY slow down…
Not to end up rotting. Rather to take time to reflect and hear God speak!
“Do you truly love me more than all these?”
Maybe, just maybe, blogging may help me to slow down into some rare moments of contemplative inactivity.
Eli-yah
Ended off today on a low note… but glad the week is over and it is going to be 2 days of rest (or so I hope??).
Conducted some training on “Identifying Child Abuse” for some staff from another NGO this afternoon but the going was tough.
First it was under the afternoon heat and we don’t have the luxury of air-con here (taken often for granted while I was in Singapore). Second got to keep my finger crossed that the electricity won’t be cut suddenly (which means the fans and the OHP will go off) which thankfully did not. Sigh! Power cut is so common here in Cambodia and the cuts get more often during the hot season, when you need it most.
Then thirdly, the participants looked so sleepy and tired which really killed my motivation to teach. Tried very hard to engage them; but felt I was hitting blank walls.
Coming home, an overwhelming sense of pressure sets in once more in full force – the same feeling which has been coming back to me more often in my recent days in Cambodia. The irony is that while I seem so busy, yet things remain so slow. Slowed down by the language limitations, slowed down by the very inefficient work ethics here (or to put it positively and hence risk deceiving myself, their spontaneity), slowed down by cultural “boo-boos”, and slowed down by the telecommunications systems (or the lack of it),…… etc. etc.
It is during such moments that I missed home, missed Singapore, missed my comfort zone, missed my “once-a-upon-a-time” productivity, missed my meaningful pre-occupations, missed my satisfying albeit energy-draining “busy-ness”, and missed my so called “fruitfulness”…
Hey… but slow down a minute … Did I miss a point? Did I say I miss family, friends and people?? Did I say I miss people as much as I miss “productive” Christian ministry to people?
Maybe I really need to slow down and to TRULY slow down…
Not to end up rotting. Rather to take time to reflect and hear God speak!
“Do you truly love me more than all these?”
Maybe, just maybe, blogging may help me to slow down into some rare moments of contemplative inactivity.
Eli-yah
posted by eng at
5:37 AM
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