KY is 6-months old and
she is now able to smile for the camera :)

Another lesson to learn..

Kye Yue has just turned 6 months old yesterday. We are truly thankful to God – its been an amazing 6 months – the initial two months were really tough, then it became easier as she cried less and was able to interact and respond to us more.

Yet this recent week has brought back some of those early struggles I had – she had a bout of diarrhea, then I caught the bug and then it was Elijah’s turn. My breastmilk supply dipped and she started to wake 3 or 4 times a night to feed – previously she would mostly wake twice a night.

I did not get enough sleep at night and I resented having to get up so much in the night. My negative mood continued on in the day. Desperate to make some changes to the night waking and night feeds (doesn’t help when I hear that other babies her age have been able to sleep through the night!), I searched the internet and re-read some guide books which all basically said: feed the baby more in the day, so she won’t be so hungry and feed so much in the night.

So feeding times became a battleground. I was trying to make her drink as much milk as possible and as quickly as possible. Well, the guidebook also said that babies her age are able to finish drinking in 20 minutes or so. Problem is that for the past few months, Kye Yue has been more like her father who loves to go to Ya Kun for a leisurely cup of Teh-si.

She started to cry a lot during feeding times. And in my desperation and stress, I was switching sides, or burping her, or putting her to the potty every time she paused from drinking. No wonder she struggled so much. It was no longer a relaxing Ya Kun session, it looked more like a 20-minute breastfeeding contest.

Until just now. She cried and struggled lots again. Between switching sides and burping her, I was losing it “What do you want, Kye Yue? Mummy doesn’t know what you want!” Then it was my turn to cry.

She stopped crying and looked at me intently. She saw me wipe my tears. I looked at her. And she smiled.

By God’s grace, her tears and mine have cleared my eyes and helped me to see better. Whenever I think “what’s wrong with her?”, it may be helpful to consider – what’s been happening in our interaction? What are her basic needs and how are they being met?

At 6 months I think her needs are essentially food, warmth, love, safety, stability. When her needs are met, I think she will be able to be less frustrated and less whiney and cry-ey. And maybe less clingy and more able to spend short times on her own.

Dear Lord Jesus, will You please help me? So often I find myself at my wit’s end. So often I don’t know what to do. So often what the guidebooks say don’t work perfectly. Almighty God, You are Kye Yue’s Creator. You know best. So teach me. And help me look to You. Thank You. Amen.

KY having fun with papa

growing and changing

Tomorrow Kye Yue turns 4 months old. How time flies indeed.

We have been back in PP for 7 weeks already. From the first week we got back when I was struggling with looking after her till today when I still sometimes struggle, but I definitely feel more settled.

Every evening after a quick dinner, I carry her to take a half hour stroll in the street outside. During the evenings, the street bustles with people and activity. I have met many neighbors – many also carry their young ones in their arms, kids who can walk and run will be playing; the teenage boys play-fighting each other or chit chatting; a couple playing badminton. It is interesting to talk with other women in the neighborhood– some thing I had never done before these walks as we are always tired after coming home from a day’s work in the office.

About 3 weeks back, Kye Yue started to have stranger anxiety – she would cry when a new person came up to her to say hello or make faces at her. Every one except Elijah and I would evoke a cry from her. It was ok for her to look at people and her favorite all-time activity has been to be on the street and watch motocycles, bicycles, tuk-tuks and people go by. But it wasn’t ok when people looked at her or interacted with her.

Actually the same situation would be less of a problem if we were in Singapore – how often do strangers come and interact with a baby or offer to carry the baby and even kiss the baby?

Here in Cambodia, it happens all the time – other adults, and even children will offer to carry her. And it will be so unfriendly (of me!) to say No to them. Neighborhood kids will come up and touch her face, pinch her cheek or kiss her. In restaurants, the lady-staff will offer to carry her and then kiss her.

We prayed for her and asked friends to pray. We read up about stranger anxiety and what to do to help.

These couple of days it has become better – when some familiar people come and interact with her, she is even able to smile at them. Today at the Indian restaurant, the owner managed to carry her for a minute or so, even with her face against his stubby beard!

Thank God for the change!

thinking about it - KY is not the only one growing and changing, in many ways I too am growing and changing.

Grace

Back in Phnom Penh -with GG this time

picture of GG in her bed in the mosquito net.

I am stealing moments to write this.

While GG is asleep still. Now learning to do things as quickly as possible.

Second day back in PP. thank God that GG is adjusting to the changes fairly well. Of course she still cries – babies will cry some.

When I carry her to put her to sleep and she cries, I can’t help but think that she is missing her grandmother, my mum who has been helping to take care of her for the first 2 months. As I think that way, tears come to my own eyes and I miss my mum too.

Perhaps for me too, there is separation anxiety – I realized how much my mum and dad has done for me and I am learning to do the same and be a good parent to GG.

Surely mistakes will be made as a parent. Surely even as I try to put her on a routine, I cannot expect her to stay by the clock on the dot – I don’t expect that of myself too.

So I am learning – to have a routine and yet to be flexible. To set expectations and yet to understand that there are misses and that is ok. To learn to enjoy the process.

Thank God for this opportunity to learn..

In the days to come, there will be much more to learn – what to do when she begins teething, or when she runs a fever, or when she begins to crawl, or when she knocks herself. We also want to change her to use cloth diapers – that means she will probably cry more when she is wet and uncomfortable, and more diaper changing exercise for me. Not particularly exciting really.

But as I think about it, I must have shitted hundreds of times as a baby and how my mum and dad and grandma who looked after me have patiently and lovingly cleaned me up every time in those pre disposable-diapers days. Surely I can learn something from them.

As my Aunt Helen told me, “When you become a mother, you really can appreciate your own mother.” She is right.

worried parents

we learnt about parenthood - the worries of it - when GG was increasingly spitting up milk after every meal.

she was hospitalised at KKH for 3 days - and we camped in the hospital next to her. Doctors say it is likely to be reflux as her digestive system is still not mature. It is likely to improve and be ok when she is 3 months old. Meanwhile we are to keeep her upright for 30 minutes after each feed, and let her sleep in a 30 degree slant. Think of it this way - she has an early induction to acrobatics.

But she does cry a lot and seems to be uncomfortable. Apparently when i was a baby, that happened with me too!

Photo: a recent picture of GG - her real name, Sim Kye Yue (SKY) in her LKY pose (thanks Constance!)

Post by Grace

REMINISCENCE

Recently someone sent me the above old photo taken in 1994. She is Desiree and she is in this photo (seated extreme right). The photo was taken at a Pasir Ris Christmas Celebration at the void deck of Block 534, organized by Pasir Ris Family Service Centre, my first working place. I still remember every single child in this photo. I was known to them as Uncle Sian Kiong (nobody calls me by that now). I had just graduated and started on my first job as a social worker. In 1994 I was only 25 years old - youthful and innocent days – the world was a world of imagined possibilities, haven’t quite fully being initiated into the passages of life realities.

Today every one of them would have grown up into young men and fair ladies. I wonder how are these children whom I used to interact with in close proximity in the yester-years. But at least I have recently learnt that Desiree is already in her final year in NTU, graduating in no time and waiting to plunge into the real working world, just as I did in 1994. The world now belongs to this new generation – youthful as they are, with gusto and bite in face of a new world order.

I was on msn with Gary today (after not doing so for a long time). Gary is another child whom I had known from Pasir Ris Family Service Centre since he was Primary 1 (I think). Now he is 18 years and heading to NS in a few days’ time. He has gone into big-time sales in the past one year, traveling to different countries already, sometimes all by himself, he told me. Wow! I just couldn’t have imagined Gary doing that while he was still in Primary 1.

These youthful oomph’s were the innocent faces of yesteryears – welcome to a brand new world! I wish you well as you embark on a new adventure of your life-time. New challenges await you; new possibilities greet you at every turn; but along with it, new growing pains (that is not just limited to teenage years, mind you) will continue to confront you but only with the intent of maturing our character, if only we do not become bitter and hardened through the process. Take care to retain your childlike innocence because innocence can be a virtue and not to be confused with childish gullibility.

Growing wiser does not mean losing your innocence.

Thanks so much, Desiree for sending the photo and the email!

Still growing up,
Eli-yah

A REAL SENSE OF HOMECOMING

Time really flies – we have been working in Cambodia for over three & a half years now. Each time, when Grace and I came back to Singapore for holiday or meetings, I always felt a huge sense of excitement and eagerness to be back to familiar homeland Singapore. Not that we are not enjoying our work in Cambodia – we are. But nevertheless Singapore is where roots belong; Singapore is where we grow and it is also Singapore which makes it all possible for us to root deeper, climb higher and spread our branches beyond the shores of Singapore.

So homecoming, despite having done so many times in this 3.5 years, have never lose its special meaning and appeal for a oft-home-sick Singaporean like me.

But Grace would always reason that home is where she is. So no matter where I am (Singapore or Cambodia), so long as she is around, that is home – that will be family. I wouldn’t agree more; but yet, I would counter by reasoning that home would be more complete if we were to be back to our own Blk 557 Pasir Ris St 51, which has now become the temporary property of our tenant; hence making us trespassers of our own flat if we try to enter it without permission… Sigh, sadly! We haven’t entered it for a good number of years now (despite that the details of our flat and my favorite activities in it remained firmly etched in our mind).

18 Sep 07 – For the first time, Grace and I were separated for the first time, the longest time in our 6 years of marriage – a good 18 days. Grace had to be back to Singapore to prepare for her delivery of our first child (oh how excited, despite apprehensive too, were we) while I remained behind in Cambodia for work. And I can tell you, I can now empathize with any baby or child who has separation anxiety with her parents, because that was exactly (maybe not exactly lah) the same anxiety I felt when I was about to be separated from Grace.

So on 6 Oct and then again on 25 Oct when I came back to Singapore to reunite with Grace, the feeling of homecoming took on an even greater significance. And I begin to remember and appreciate Grace’s words much better, “Home is where I am!”… Her message was finally driven home.

Now the worst separation in my life (so far I think), is on 9 Nov, only 6 days after our baby was born on 3 Nov, when I had to go back to Cambodia all alone. It was difficult, to say the least. I couldn’t wait for the next 13 days to drift by as swiftly as possibly because I really want to be back with family, now that the unit is complete with our first bundle of heavenly joy and delight.

So finally on 22 Nov night while I was waiting for departure at Phnom Penh Airport Departure Hall, alone myself and unknown to the many other waiting passengers, I felt a REAL sense, a very authentic & un-faked sense, of homecoming. It was a homecoming like never before.

So at the Phnom Penh airport, while many affluent Cambodians were catching the Water Festival Holiday season (which started the following day on 23 Nov, when the fateful drowning accident of the 5 Singaporean dragon boat team members took place at Tonle Sap, a river which I had to cross everyday to work) were leaving home for Singapore for a holiday getaway, I was coming home for my own getaway, right into the heartland of my Singapore homeland, and into the warmth and love of my very own family. THIS IS HOME indeed!

Experiencing homecoming,
Eli-yah


Afterthought

But as I reflected on the spiritual significance of this personal experience of mine, I wondered if I would have been as enthusiastic and eager with my heavenly homecoming as with my earthly homecoming? Have I, in my embrace of my earthly family (a blessing and heavenly inheritance indeed), diminished my desire like Paul’s “desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far” (Philippians 1:23b)? Or have I yet to learn from the fathers of faith of bible times who “were longing for a better country – a heavenly one” (Hebrews 11:16).

Relearning homecoming,
Eli-yah